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10 Things You Should Know About Joe Chuma

Attempting to demystify Joe Chuma is akin to licking your elbow. He is the ultimate gentleman, heated in a furnace of courage, hammered by intellect, cooled in a pool of suaveness, encrusted in courage and polished by wit. Joe Chuma is the standard measurement of masculinity, whose exploits feel like a Marvel movie, I bet superman is envious of the man.

Due to public demand, I have complied the following list of things you should know about Joe Chuma;

#OneOnOne Joe Chuma the Flamboyant Kenyan Candidate

Who the hell is Joe Chuma? Why is his face on billboards all over the city and exploits told on radio and social media? What makes him phenomenal?

This is a one-on-one interview seeking to demystify Joe Chuma, the man who knows Victoria’s secret, and is a strong advocate of ‘letting your woman come first,’A man who has taken over the country by storm promising to make Kenyan politics sexy again. Read to find out why you should vote for Joe Chuma as your next president.

Crazy Girlfriend

It’s a Thursday evening, you are heading back to Nairobi with your main chick after spending two nights in Nakuru. She is unusually quiet. You ask what’s wrong. Nothing, she says yet you can see hot fumes billowing from her nose as she scrolls through her Instagram.

HOW I MOVED FROM BOTTOM IN CLASS TO MILLIONAIRE BY 24

Growing up I was taught education is key to a bright future. However, for as long as I remember, I was always among the bottom five in class.  The only thing I was good at is English because of my love for novels I presume.

My poor performance wasn’t due to lack of hard work. I would study till late in the night, take remedial classes and wake up early but still, my results never changed. Teachers openly criticized my performance in front of the whole class just for a good laugh and that really got to me. The worst part is it got into my head and made me believe I was indeed stupid.

Confessions of a Nightclub Waitress

I am the first born in a family of six. I scored a C plain in my KCSE back in 2010. I moved in with a rich relative who promised to get me a job. Since their house help ran away, they asked me to step into her shoes as they sort out it out.

These relatives were very wealthy but constantly quarreling. They would go out most nights leaving me all alone to take care of twins who were only a few months old, a four-year-old and six-years-old kid. They would come back home in the morning drunk and stinking. They would spend the entire day sleeping and puking all over.

#PerceptionVsReality Kenyan Electrical Engineer Working as a Laborer in Middle East

It breaks my heart every time I look at the smiles on the faces of family, friends, and students who score straight A’s. I wish they could fast-forward their lives so they can see the realities ahead of them. I grew up in a remote village, managed to score a straight A and top my district becoming the first person in my family to go to the university.

#PerceptionVsReality Executive Assistant to CEO of Top Investment Firm

Courtesy: Black Entreprise

One of your readers asked why there aren’t any success stories with regards to university education. Well, here is mine. I will be turning 26 this year and I am a single mother to a lovely baby boy. I met his father back in campus and got pregnant with him. I had to defer my studies in third year, first semester. When I resumed my studies 6 months later it was hell. Seeking help from my final year project lecturer was like trying to get blood from a house fly.

Confessions of a Kenyan Lady Lawyer

This is where my story begins. I got my pupillage in a law firm in Nairobi CBD. My salary was five thousand per month for six months. 5,000 bob to cater for transport and food. The only support I got from my parents was my rent being paid. To say that it was hard would be an understatement. I went into depression. Trying to ask my friends for help was not a choice, they were going through the same thing. We would joke that the guy selling us mutura was making more than us.

#PerceptionVsReality THE PLIGHT OF TOP KENYAN UNIVERSITY GRADUATES

Yesterday, I met two old friends. One is a lawyer and the other an engineer. We all graduated the same year. Luckily, they were immediately hired by reputable companies based in Nairobi. They wore fancy suits, had expensive phones and from Facebook images, they seemed to be doing very well. Naturally, I assumed they were swimming in money.

THE MAKING OF A NAIROBIAN

 

Growing up, you heard so much about this magical city characterized by beautiful streets, tall buildings, and bright lights. A place whose paths were so dangerous that someone could steal money stashed in your socks without taking off your shoes. You were a child growing up in a small town where everyone knew everyone. Nairobi was this hub so far away. Anyone who went to there would return with lots of gifts and amazing tales.  Apart from wanting to become a pilot when you grew up, your wildest dream was visiting Nairobi.