Earlier today I carried out an informal survey on the seduction strategies men use sampling the views of at least eight male acquaintances. Most of the guys confessed to have a low success rate when it comes to wooing the women they desire most. So I called a couple of lady friends seeking to find out what we men do wrong when it comes to enticing them. Their response was eye-opening so I compiled the following list of the 7 deadliest mistakes men make when seducing a woman.
1)Pursuing her when there is no chemistry
In 80’s a man would approach a woman, declare his undying love, she would then give him the top-down derogatory look and dismiss him. Unperturbed the guy would go back the next day and she would again tell him off. This cycle of rejection would go-on and on but the guy would never relent on his love quest. 10 years later they would get married in a colorful ceremony and he would testify how he worked so hard to get hitched to that amazing woman bride. Back then, a man had to persistently go after a woman, convince her to love and marry him even if it would take a decade!
Flash forward to the 21st century, when a lady candidly tells you she doesn’t want anything to do with you then she means it! Don’t waste your time trying to create some chemistry where it’s non-existent. Before you declare your interest in a lady its prudent to first find out whether the attraction is mutual so you don’t end up heartbroken. Does she enjoy your company? Does she create time to be with you and sometimes initiate conversations? Do you excite her to the point she sometimes forgets her appointments? If she does then you have a shot.
2)Being too nice
The cliché goes, nice guys always finish last. So who exactly is a nice guy? A nice guy is a harmless guy –the kind guys wouldn’t mind him hanging out with their girls since he is not considered a threat– who puts everyone else’s interests above his own. A nice guy is afraid of confrontations so he readily agrees even when he holds a divergent opinion. He goes out of his way to please people at the expense of his comfort and meekly fulfills favor even when they are blatantly against his principles. A nice guy believes being nice is a currency you can later trade for affection or sexual favors. A fool’s errand if you ask me.
Don’t be too nice. If she asks you to do something you are uncomfortable with don’t do it. Always speak out your mind and if she is more than 30 minutes late on a date without prior notice get up and leave. Sometimes you have to put your interests before everyone else in order to successfully seduce her.
3)Being to available
It’s rather normal to drift away from your boys and spend more time with a girl who fascinates you. However being too available can have a negative effect on your fling. If you avail yourself whenever she wants you’ll in no time cease being a challenge and she will begin to overlooking your worth. I’m not advocating for guys to pull the disappearing act rather a man should also spend quality time with his family, friends and engage in activities he likes.
Before a lady gets serious with a guy she first puts him to test. She may ask you carefully structured questions rather casually which you will most likely answer without much thought unaware that your potential relationship is pegged on your response. She may also deliberately ignore you, stop doing things she normally does or just piss you off to gauge your reaction. This is the worst period for any man and the only way he can maintain sanity is if he has another lass who excites him. Therefore, don’t black list all the other girls until she is all yours.
Men are inherently supposed to take charge of things and show direction. This should not be misconstrued to mean you should dictate where, what, when and how things should be done rather it’s about having you put on the pants in the relationship. Women are attracted to men who know exactly what they want and go for it. This means you can never ask a girl permission to kiss her! That’s a crime worse than murder.
Never say stuff like “Don’t you think we should go out tonight that is if it’s okay with you or do you have other plans?” This makes you sound unsure and lacking confidence. This is how you ask out a lady, “Joyce, I’d love to see you tonight, what time will you be available?”
Some guys believe love should follow a certain sequence of events, if it doesn’t then it cannot be true love. Recently a colleague shocked me when he confessed to have turned down sexual advances from a lady he really liked the reason being they had known each other barely a month! Believe you me the guy asked her to wait for at least 3 months so they can be sure it’s true love! Such men are a disgrace to all the legged creatures!
5)Trying too hard to impress her
Women are quick to notice when a guys is trying hard too hard impress to them. Once they do a few would totally blacklist the guy from potential mates however most will milk him dry. There is a general belief that all a guy needs to hitch any woman is a fat bank account. In spite of Wealth being an aphrodisiac, that alone cannot get one a capable, loving and loyal woman. In addition to having a sizeable fortune a man should seek to advance his knowledge, develop his personality and take good care of himself.
Therefore don’t try too hard to impress her by boasting about your achievements, showering her with undeserved compliments and gifts you can hardly afford. The golden rule is to speak less and listen more. Share little details about you while encouraging her to share with you all about herself. She is bound to have a different view towards life, don’t rub it on her face how antediluvian her ideologies are. Appreciate she is different and gently help her improve.
Though the average woman has thrice the number of admirers you have never let a little competition scare you away. So long as the attraction is mutual ignore the other suitors. Never talk or ask about the other guys in her life in fact never ask whether she has a boyfriend unless she freely volunteers this information. The green-eyed-monster has a way of pushing one to the extremes. When you are so engrossed with the competition chances are you will be tempted to talk ill about them in effort to endear yourself to her. Talking about other guys not only makes you look petty but also chains you in the friend zone to eternity.
Even after she confesses to be attracted to you never treat her like your personal property. Give her some space. Don’t engage in trivial stuff like snooping on her phone or going ballistics whenever she talks to other guys. Most men make the mistake of dictating what a lady they are seducing should or shouldn’t do. You can clearly state what you like in a woman but don’t put it like she has to do your bidding at all times.
7)Whining and Insulting oneself
A man should be modest with his achievements and treat everyone with respect however some guys overdo it. In bid to look humble they insult themselves and belittle their abilities. This exposes underlying psychological problems (I just had to use this phrase) a very undesirable trait in a man.
Sometimes back two of my friends and I went hunting in a neighboring campus. Some ladies invited us to their room and just before we got in one of my friends posed what I later gathered was suppose to be a joke “Do we have to take off our shoes before we get in?…You know we might have smelly feet and torn socks” This may seem harmless but in the superficial world saying something like this the first time you are meeting a lady is bound to create an unappealing image about yourself.
A man should be in control of his life. Don’t go telling women you are seducing about how unlucky you have been with other ladies, why would she want to date someone no other girl wants? Exude positive energy at all times. If you don’t like someone or something tell them on their face and work to improve things instead of whining.
Written by Mark Maish