Ever met a guy for the first time and 30 minutes into the conversation you are busting into laughter and revealing darkest secrets like you’ve been buddies for decades? They are like human magnates. You admire how they can smoothly charm themselves into total strangers without breaking a sweat. Their gift of gab and cool demeanor has everyone want to be associated with them.
Life is a lot easier when people generally like you. You get unmerited favors, forgiven for mistakes others get crucified for and the world readily offers you opportunities. You don’t necessarily have to be Oprah for people to really like you. Listed below are 7 tips on how to become popular among your friends.
1) Radiate positive energy
The world is full of sadness, every day dozens die of Ebola, women are gang-raped in India and thousands flee are displaced from their countries due to wars. The world is on the brink of turning into total anarchy thus there is barely anything to smile about. If not careful one can easily turn into an endlessly whining and cynical jerk. People are innately repulsed by those who are incessantly pessimistic since they paint a gloomy picture of the future.
We are drawn to optimists. They radiate positive energy which inspires hope that things will get better with time. They also make us see the silver lining to our predicament hence we think of them as a source of happiness. Be the guy who points out goodness and opportunities where others don’t see any and soon enough everyone will want to hang out with you. It’s called the reward theory of attraction.
2) Send-off the right non-verbal cues
Picture this, you are at a party and there are two guys. One is nursing their drink in silence at a dark corner and the other is on the dance floor unleashing alien-like dance moves totally out of synch with the music yet they seem to be thoroughly enjoying themselves, who would you rather hang out with? We are naturally drawn to people who are having fun, watching these people makes us feel like we too are having fun.
When attending a social event avoid staring at the floor or sulking in a corner as this sends out signals you are uninterested in mingling. Gaze around the room with the trace of a smile on your lips and when you lock eyes don’t look away quickly; hold the gaze a few seconds longer. If it happens again acknowledge them by raising your eyebrow, a quick nod or raising your drink to them. If she responds with an inviting gesture then walk up to her. You don’t need to have a cool pick up-line, the best conversation starter is an open-ended question drawn from the immediate environment. Hey! Why do you look so bored?
3) Give them attention
All Human beings are narcissistic to some extent; we are our own favorite topic. That’s why it feels so good when you share your childhood memories, aspirations and dreams with someone you really like. Encourage people to talk about themselves while you listen keenly. Remember their names and important dates like birthdays. Being at the centre of attention makes one feel valued and loved hence inclined to reciprocate the same.
The trick to having a total stranger open all about themselves is to share out some of your most embarrassing moments with them. They not only feel trusted but also gloat inside at the thought they are better than you in some things. It also reassures them that you will not be judgmental when they reveal their unattractive side.
4) Become a non-conformist
The general population is cultured to stick by the norm, do what’s required of them and avoid trouble at all cost. To be popular you must be a non-conformist. Rise above the basic man’s way of life, overcome your fears, veer-off to the uncharted path and pursue your wildest dreams even when everyone else thinks it’s a fool’s errand. Stand out of the crowd, be assertive and stick by what you believe, a thousand people can be wrong and you are the only right one.
Most people say Yes. They bend over backwards trying to keep others happy. Unfortunately the society always mistakes this for a weakness. Learn to say No! The general populace thinks highly of rebels, people who are not afraid of speaking out their minds when they hold a contrary opinion.
5) Validate and compliment others
Its rather strange how our close friends rarely compliment us. An acquaintance would easily recognize your potential and encourage you to go after greatness. This is because people you mostly hang out with hardly realize you have outstanding abilities. We hang on to toxic relationships, spend obscene amounts of money enhancing our looks and endure great discomfort to keep people who constantly validate us. Subtle flattery is a powerful weapon. Give someone an ego boost and they would without question honor all your requests.
Make an effort of congratulate everyone on their achievements no matter how small they may seem. Encourage them to explore their talents and say how high you think of them. Also greatly appreciate whenever someone serves you well. A simple ‘thank you’ or ‘you look great’ may be the nicest someone has told them in a week, putting you in their good graces. When someone compliments us even when we don’t think we deserve it we feel obliged to identify something positive in them too.
6) Be empathetic
In any group of people there will always be certain individuals who are repeatedly ridiculed often sugar-coated as friendly jokes. They are easy targets due to their slightly different physical variations from the general population. They are mostly people with weight issues, height challenges, different skin color or funny accents. Since they also laugh at the jokes we assume they don’t mind while in reality it hurts them inside.
Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if someone made fun of your boney structure yet no matter how many calories you gobble the weight scale never goes past the light fly weight category? Step up and stop the other guys from hurting this people by pointing out the perpetrators defects too, after all nobody is perfect. People love those who stand up and protect the meek ones. Do this and in no time will have a legion of men and women who revere you like a deity.
7) Let your reputation precede you
Ever attended some function where everyone is convinced you are someone very important. They insist on give you preferential treatment and when you explain to them you are not who they think you are they insinuate you are just being humble? Well, if this happens again don’t say or do anything to discourage it, simply sit back and enjoy. Let your dressing, conversations and mannerism showcase the person you aspire to be. In addition guard your reputation jealously.
Never compromise your integrity! Do what you preach, fulfill your promises and never talk ill about others worst of all your friends. When people think you are corrupt or a coward they despise you. Notwithstanding everyone likes a man who keeps his word.
Above all, travel whenever you get a chance, read widely and make friends with people of different religion, race, ethnicity & social class. This shatters myopic perceptions about other people, helps one understand world better and makes them accommodating to divergent ideologies.
Written By Mark Maish