I am very impressed with your work young man. At this rate you will go far…here is a token of appreciation”, he then hands over a cheque. The joy is unexplainable. See, the last three weeks have been tough. The client whose project you were working on is an expatriate. Her demands were eccentric and of world-class standards, forcing you to sacrifice sleep and weekends. The knowledge that your efforts finally paid off is great news. You call your best friend, Bob, who also works in the city with the news.  He picks up on the second ring.

“Hey bro!”

“Hey man, guess what?  The ride I told you about has finally been delivered!”

“Awesome! When do we put it test?”

Being a Friday, I was actually thinking of going for a road trip, are you free?”

The clock on the wall reads 11:43 am but since you are done with all your work assignments, you ask him to pick you up in an hour. He shows up in a sexy green car with black 18 inch rims and powerful music system, so loud that you could use it to host a concert on KICC grounds. After debating for a while on the destination you agree to head to Eldoret. This decision is based on the premise that the town is unexplored plus most of your old campus buddies stay there.

The journey is mostly uneventful except for the long straight road stretches where you hit 150kph. You arrive to Eldoret early evening, grab a meal as Bob calls up all old boys asking them to turn up. Most of them give flimsy excuses to why they cannot meet you guys. Just when you were about to give up, you get a call from Philo. Not only is he around town but is also in a party mood. He gives you directions to what he claims to be the hottest joint in the sleepy town.

The nightclub is on a street whose name you didn’t catch. Apart from the huge neon sign which reads ‘Club Signature’ the joint looks rather nondescript. You walk in expecting to find an old, dingy and rusty bar filled with thugs and hookers.

To your surprise the nightclub looks amazing. The lights are dimmed just to create right ambience without necessarily being too dark.  The music playing is urban and catchy. You just can’t help it but dance to the tune. Being the town where world’s renowned marathoners come from you expected to find super skinny mamas dressed in sweatpants and trainers. To your surprise Eldoret women are current on fashion matters and have some flesh where it matters. You look at Bob and nod. It’s going to be an awesome night!

The club is set such that the Dj box and dance floor are on farthest end from the entrance, the bar counter is on the side while the rest of the room is full of stools, tables and couches. After moving round for a few minutes you spot Philo seated at a table somewhere in the middle of the hall. Bob and you slip into the two seats next to him.


It’s just like old times.  Whenever you guys went out you would pick the most visible spot. For the first two hours you would get engrossed in constructive discussions ignoring all females around your table. This worked like magic. The ladies would be pissed-off and surprised at the same time by why three great looking gents were not remotely interested in them unlike the other guys? Who are these guys? What makes the so special? Don’t they find us attractive enough? As a result, the daring ones —who also happened to be hot— would walk over to your table and strike a conversation.

In no time the beautiful ladies seated in the corner pass by your table presumably on their way to the dance floor. One of them, choreographically trips over and falls on you. Instinctively, you turn and catch her in time. You’ve got to give it to women for their determination. She swiftly thanks you and introduces herself.

“Hi! I’m Vicky and these two are my friends. She is Ann and that is Stacy” (pointing at the tallest)

Bob picks the cue. He introduces the rest of you guys then asks the lasses to join you guys.

The advantage of being friends for a long time is how you all know each other’s preferences. Philo being the tallest picks Stacy, Bob likes them petite so he picks Ann and you are left with Vicky, just the kind you like.

She asks you to dance with her.  You sheepishly follow her to the dance floor. It’s been long since you last danced but what kind of guy would turn down an opportunity to get cozy with a lady having a shapely derrière like hers? She turns out to be a great dancer moving her body in fluid motions. You ignore the pain in your rigid back and strive to keep up with her tempo.

After an electrifying one hour performance, the Dj switches the music to something a lot more romantic. Vicky, turns so you now dance facing each other. This accords you the opportunity to study her face a lot more carefully. She is pretty by all standards.

“You are so beautiful…I’m glad you tripped and fell on me

“You are also cute…(stroking neck)… Are you really Kenyan?”

Since you have been told about this a couple of times before, you decide to play along.

“No. what gave me away?”

“You just don’t look Kenyan and you speak with an accent I can’t clearly place!”

“You must be so observant…I’m Congolese.”

“I knew it! Why did you leave your country?”

“It’s a long sad story”

“What happened?”

“I tell you some other time”

“c’mon please tell me”

“Well, my parents lost everything during a civil war that rocked Kinshasa in the 90’s. We barely escaped with our lives and had to trek hundreds of kilometers with little food and water …”

You narrate to her a heart-wrenching story about your life to which she falls for hook, line and sinker.

She suggests you move to her table which is quieter continue the conversation. With her sitting on your lap, it becomes easier to have a heart-to-heart convo. She reveals to you intimate details about her life, fears and aspirations. The alcohol in your systems heightens the physical attraction and before you know it, your lips lock with hers. You share intimate moments for a while before she utters the words you dread most.

“I love you!”

Convinced it’s the vodka doing tricks you pretend not to have heard what she said.


“I love you… I first laid my eyes on you as you walked in with your friends and I immediately knew you were my soulmate”

How do you respond to a stranger you met in bar earlier on proclaiming the two of you are destined to be together for eternity? She is eagerly waiting for your response. Afraid of hurting her feelings, you decide to play along.

“I feel the same way towards you”

She gets so excited kissing and hugging you intermittently. Once the excitement recedes you excuse yourself to visit the lavatory.

As you weave your way through the mass of inebriated fellas dancing totally out of sync with the tune you notice her staring at you. A lady with amazing long and healthy hair standing alone next to bar counter. She is in a sexy white dress that ends just above the knees. She holds the gaze then smiles revealing a set of well-shaped teeth. You smile back then walk up to her.

“Hi! Can I buy you a drink?”

She shakes her head.

“I’m Mark” extending your hand.

“Nancy” she replies in a melodious voice.

You engage in a rather strained small talk. Being the kind of guy who doesn’t give up easily, you drag on with the banter until someone taps your right shoulder. You turn around only to find a dark, burly, short haired lady standing there. She grabs you by the collar then brings a clenched fist barely an inch from your face.

Why are you talking to my girlfriend?”

You didn’t envision fighting with a lady tonight so you quickly apologize.She pushes you away with so much ferocity that you snap your neck.

If you as much as look at her once more I will pin you on the floor whoop your ass

From her demeanor you can tell she is capable of following through her threat. The urge to piss disappears. You walk back to your table only to find Vicky standing there hands on the hips. That’s a sign of trouble.

“Hey lovely one!” You holla at her. She doesn’t reply.

She silently reaches for the half-full glass the table, lifts it up like she is about to take a sip then splashes drink on your face. You take a step back, shock written all over your face as alcohol burns your eyes. This is followed by unprintable expletives hurled at you. What the hell did I do? Just before you regain composure she picks a beer bottle and aims for your head. Luckily you duck in time as the glass missile grazes your left ear.

As if that’s not enough she goes completely psycho, grabs another bottle by the neck, and smashes it against the table exposing a sharp edge before springing forward with the aim of stabbing you. Were it not for the bouncer’s quick reflex in catching her you would be lying on the floor with a slit throat.

Apparently, she saw you flirting with Nancy immediately after affirming your undying love for her which kicked in the green monster. She screams at you while trying to weave herself out the security guy’s arms.

Seeing how the whole thing is getting nasty Bob and Philo pull you out of the club and drive off.

That night you learn one unforgettable lesson, never mess with a woman who proclaims to love you on your first meeting.

Written By Mark Maina


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  1. 7

    “One of them, choreographically trips over and falls on you. Instinctively, you turn and catch her in time. You’ve got to give it to women for their determination”
    Hehe lol,I can’t stop laughing…really is the 1:5 ratio that serious???
    Creative piece, very well articulated!!!

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